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It's funny how things change. Back in secondary school I used to look up to a lot of people for the wrong reasons. I used to think this particular girl was cool because she rocked Roxy bags and had a thousand different hairbands, and was always in the arms of one or another St. Pats boy (don't judge me.) Back then those were the most important things. I thought that if I was cool like that I'd have as many friends, and boys would maybe like meThen when I was in JC I was myself. I guess you could say I was a men repeller. Not that I repelled the boys -- in fact out of the 20 people I hung with most often, only 4 were girls. But my sexual attractiveness was non existent. But I was happy. For the most part. And yet many a time I wished I was more like the girls seated next to me in class. Girls who knew how to behave like girls. Who used body lotion after PE and who smelled wonderful all the time.
After I graduated from JC all I really did was party. And party. And party. And party. And in those years I grew up a lot, saw a lot of the real world and learned the ways of men. Jerks, in particular. I learned to take things with a pinch of salt, to bid people hello and goodbye with one kiss, to deal with parting, to swallow my pride. I learned why men stray, what men like, what true friends are made of, what alcohol does to your rationality, what kind of perks really pretty girls get (which I can only be envious of) and what money can buy --which is almost everything. even sincerity, sometimes.
These days I am comfortable with being myself. Of course there still is an insatiable desire for more x because x makes one powerful, and I doubt that will ever change. But right now I like who I am, and as much as I still wish I was more like my socialite friends who are gorgeous, have an abundance of x in their trust funds, and have mighty good brains.....
I like being me.
And when I stumble upon the facebook pages of the girls who used to impress me so... I gloat. Because they're so ordinary now it's almost appalling.
Haha.
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