posted : Friday, September 9, 2011
title : It's been a long time coming.
Its been raining for the past couple of days. The weather has turned chilly (11 - 20deg) and all the june bugs and fireflies have mysteriously disappeared. Everyone's been saying that they guess Summer's over, and thank god for that, because they were getting tired of the heat. And while I really should be reveling in the promises of Fall (i.e the one hundred thousand pores on my face that bloomed in the humidity of summer might magically disappear like the june bugs and fireflies,) I can't quite help but be fixated on how this means we've already been here for 3 months, and that there's only 9 more to go before we have to go home. The speed at which time passes us by scares me sometimes. Like now.


It's a strange feeling, to be so confused about what I want. I feel like I'm at a fork, and all the paths before me spell regret. Last night while waiting for a friend to walk me to her little cottage in the woods, I noticed that the lights on the surrounding mountains looked a lot like the little dots of light emitted by the cable cars going to and fro Sentosa (although it was so foggy in the distance that I believe those lights would look like anything, as long as you thought hard enough, or missed a certain place enough.) For a split second I think I actually managed to convince my brains that I was back home, watching the cable cars go. It was a funny sensation.
I want to go home. But then I don't.


Last night I had the most exciting dream of my life. I dreamt that I climbed to the top of an unbelievably tall skyscraper (so high the ground was a blur) and slid down the side of the building to the alfresco area of some restaurant a couple of storeys down, where Bervin caught me. It was so exhilarating I let Bervin convince me to do it over and over again. "Don't worry, I'll catch you!" Dreams like that scare me, because I've got a nagging feeling that one day I will do something like that on impulse. Or while sleep walking. Anyway I'm sure dreams like this have legit meanings. I've been having so many dreams that I'm afraid my subconscious might just explode on me one day.


I'm going to publish this entry before I regret something, or feel stupid and decide to not do it. Or edit it so much that I eventually feel even more discontented with it that it just disappears, like the 50 posts before it. I am ridiculous like that.
1:20 AM